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Sunday, 15 March 2009

  • My Head is Killing Me

    Ok so today is number one and I'm at 680 calories and it's 6:57PM.
    I'm not all that hungry but my HEAD IS KILLING ME! I may be a little dehydrated but I'm not thirsty so I don't feel like drinking water and it's not the front part of my head that hurts but the back.
    Tonight I'm watching the NBC Premiere of the show Kings from 8-10 and then The United States of Tara from 10-10:30.
    I just REALLY want to not eat anything. I'm hoping to lose 6-8 pounds by Prom which is April 4th. I got my dress today and even though it looks cute it would look even cuter if I wasn't so fat!

    Oh and I know my Xanga is blank and has practically no good info about my weight goals or anything on it but that'll change soon!

Saturday, 14 March 2009

  • I'll Never Be Good Enough

    I AM -
     
    [ ] anorexic
    [x] ednos
    [ ] bulimic
    [ ] living off diet pills
    [ ] hungry
    [ ] thirsty
    [ ] drinking something
    [ ] Under 100lbs
    [ ] starving yourself
    [] participating in a fast


    PEOPLE -
    [ ] ask if I’m anorexic/bulimic
    [ ] call me fat
    [ ] say I’m skinny
    [x] say I’m ugly
    [] say I’m pretty
    [ ] spread rumors about me
    [ ] force me to eat
    [ ] say I eat too much
    [ ] wish I’d eat more
    [x] don't know I'm anorexic/bulimic


    I WISH -
    [x] I was THIN
    [x] I had a better body
    [x] I didn't have to eat
    [x] I could control myself
    [x] I was under 100lbs
    [x] I could avoid food
    [x] I could hide what I am
    [x] I wasn’t fat
    [x] I was pretty
    [x] I could stop being ana/mia

    I LOVE -
    [x] feeling hungry
    [ ] seeing a difference when fasting
    [x] shaking
    [x] being weak
    [x] losing weight
    [ ] being anorexic/bulimic
    [x] green tea
    [x] diet pills
    [x] being able to turn down food
    [x] feeling good about myself

    APPEARANCE
    [x] I am shorter than 5'4.
    [x] I think I'm ugly sometimes.
    [ ] I have many scars.
    [ ] I tan easily.
    [ ] I wish my hair was a different color.
    [ ] I have friends who have never seen my natural hair color.
    [ ] I have a tattoo.
    [x] I am self-conscious about my appearance.
    [ ] I have/had braces.
    [ ] I wear glasses.

    [ ] I would get plastic surgery if it were 100 safe, free of cost, and scar-free.
    [x] I've been told I'm attractive by a complete stranger.
    [ ] I have more than 2 piercings.
    [ ] I have piercings in places besides my ears.
    [ ] I have freckles.

    FAMILY
    [ ] I've sworn at my parents.
    [ ] I've run away from home.
    [ ] I've been kicked out of the house.
    [ ] My biological parents are together.
    [ ] I have a sibling less than one year old.
    [x] I want to have kids someday.
    [ ] I've had children.
    [ ] I've lost a child.

    EMBARRASSMENT
    [x] I've slipped out a "lol" in a spoken conversation.
    [x] Disney movies still make me cry.
    [] I've peed from laughing.
    [x] I've snorted while laughing.
    [x] I've laughed so hard I've cried.
    [ ] I've glued my hand to something
    [x] I've laughed till some kind of beverage came out of my nose.
    [ ] I've had my trousers rip in public.

    RELATIONSHIPS
    [x] I'm single
    [ ] I'm in a relationship.
    [ ] I'm engaged.
    [ ] I'm married.
    [ ] I've gone on a blind date.
    [ ] I've been the dumpee more than the dumper.
    [ ] I miss someone right now.
    [x] I have a fear of abandonment.
    [ ] I've cheated in a relationship.
    [ ] I've gotten divorced
    [x] I've had feelings for someone who didn't have them back.
    [ ] I've told someone I loved them when I didn't.
    [ ] I've told someone I didn't love them when I did.
    [ ] I've kept something from a past relationship.

    SEXUALITY
    [x] I've had a crush on someone of the same sex.
    [ ] I've had a crush on a teacher.
    [x] I am a cuddler.
    [ ] I've been kissed in the rain.
    [ ] I've hugged a stranger.
    [ ] I have kissed a stranger.

    HONESTY
    [x] I've done something I promised someone else I wouldn't
    [x] I've done something I promised myself I wouldn't.
    [ ] I've snuck out of my house.
    [x] I have lied to my parents about where I am.
    [x] I am keeping a secret from the world
    [x] I've cheated while playing a game.
    [x] I've cheated on a test.
    [ ] I've been suspended from school.

    BAD TIMES
    [x] I've consumed alcohol.
    [ ] I regularly drink.
    [ ] I can't swallow pills.
    [x] I can swallow about 5 pills at a time no problem
    [ ] I have been diagnosed with clinical depression.
    [x] I shut others out when I'm upset.
    [ ] I take anti-depressants.
    [x] I'm anorexic or bulimic or have EDNOS.
    [ ] I've slept an entire day when I didn't need it.
    [ ] I've hurt myself on purpose.
    [ ] I'm addicted to self harm.
    [x] I've woken up crying

    [x] I've lost weight
    [x] I've gained weight
    [x] My weight holds me back
    [x] Weight consumes me.


    [ ] I'm at my thinnest
    [x ] I'm at my biggest
    [] I've lost weight and kept it off
    [x] I've lost weight but gained it back
    [x] My weight affects my mood
    [ ] I weigh myself daily

    [x ] I am jealous of everyone smaller than me
    [x] I thrive on compliments
    [x] I feel bigger than people who are my size
    [x] I feel happy when I'm hungry
    [x] I get depressed after I eat
    [x] I've skipped a meal
    [x] I've thrown food away
    [x] I've spit food out
    [x] I've fasted
    [x] I've taken diet pills
    [ ] I've used laxatives
    [x] I've purged

    [ ] Bulimia
    [ ] Anorexia
    [x] Ednos
    [ ] Orthorexia
    [] Over-exercising
    [ ] Binge eating


    [x] I exercise
    [x] I exercise so I can eat
    [x] I work out secretly
    [x] I work out daily
    [x] I exercise to counteract eating
    [ ] I've fainted from exhaustion

    I've done:
    [ ] Weed
    [ ] Cigarettes
    [x] Alcohol
    [x] Diet pills
    [ ] Pain killers
    [ ] Anti-depressants
    [ ] Ecstasy
    [ ] LSD
    [ ] Mushrooms
    [ ] Speed
    [ ] Cocaine
    [x] Prescription (like Ritalin or Adderall)

    [x ] I keep my eating habits a secret
    [x] I have a ED blog
    [x] I look at thinspo
    [x] I collect thinspo
    [ ] I condone pro-ana/mia sites

    [x] I count calories
    [ ] I've had negative intake days
    [x] I avoid food
    [x] I hate food
    [x] I love food

    [x] I want to be this way
    [x] I don't want to be like this
    [x] I wish I could have more control
    [x] Being thin is my top priority
    [x] I don't want to get better
    [ ] I am in treatment

    [x] I'm doing this for me
    [x] I'm doing this for someone
    [x] I'm doing this to prove myself

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MaigrePerfection

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    • Member Since: 3/14/2009

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